The world loves... JP Garwood

A Bumper Sticker Enigma

2010-01-05


Bumper stickers are odd pieces of literature. They so very, very rarely dispense any useful information, and yet I am powerless to ignore them. When I see one, I read it, every time, and then I get disappointed in myself for having done so. They usually involve little tidbits of the driver's personal life. Sometimes they announce to other drivers that the car in front of them is indeed the parent of an honor student. I am not sure if I am supposed to change my driving habits around honor student parents. Maybe I am supposed to be more cautious, so as not to potentially injure the parent, causing trauma to the student who one day might end up as a great scientist or world leader.

Some of the stickers give away snippets of the driver's political or religious thoughts. I saw one that said "Abortion is Murder". I have never performed or received an abortion, and I never will. This bumper sticker has been wasted on me. It isn't going to get me to rally to their cause either. I will need more to go on than a $1 sticker on the back of a Prelude to get me involved in political action.

Some announce that the driver has been on vacation. Maybe they have gone to the Jersey shore, or to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Virginia Beach is a popular destination too, as well as Ocean City, Maryland. I guess it is nice to know that the driver in front of me has had better vacations than me. These stickers don't promote or denounce the tourist spots, they just simply name them. I am glad the driver has let me draw my own conclusions.

This morning however, I read a bumper sticker that truly has me baffled. This is what it said, "If you don't know if you are running or jogging, go FASTER!". I had to reread it several times. I don't know if this is a pro-running, or anti-jogging sticker. I have never met someone who was anti-jogging. I do not understand the point this driver is trying to make. What if you try to go faster and it turns out that you actually were running? You might pass out from over-exertion. Logically, this sticker must be meant for either runners or joggers to read. However, when jogging or running, it is unsafe to be reading bumper stickers. Plus, go as fast as you can on foot, and you will still never be able to keep up with a car.

I can only assume that the sticker was meant as advice. Take life at full speed or something like that. If so that is silly. When one is constantly going at full speed, they miss so much along the way. Flowers, animals, warning signs, and anything else that those who "jog" might see. I find it hard to believe that someone could not be sure whether they are running or jogging. I rarely do either, but when I do, I am absolutely sure which action I am performing.

I know this sticker is going to haunt me. I know that it shouldn't, as that is stupid, but it will. I would rather have known that the driver loved their golden retriever, or that they support the town soccer league. Instead I am left with their puzzling message about jogging and running. Be careful when you place a bumper sticker upon your car. You might just end up confusing the hell out of someone.

jpgarwood.org home page - Buy JP Garwood Stuff

2004 jpgarwood.org all rights reserved