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Larry Soup For Lunch

by JP Garwood

Perhaps the oddest thing about Larry was his big face. Jesus Christ the thing was huge. Not ugly, not by any means, but huge. Oh my God! The rest of his head was normal shaped-- like a head, perhaps you've seen one. In the front however was a giant, nay, colossal, flat face. From the front he looked like nothing but a face. From the side, either side, because of the the bulbous head with a giant flat front, he looked like a hammer. We should have called him "Hammerhead" but we didn't. We called him Larry, Larry Soup For Lunch. It was a joke we had because we noticed that Larry never, no never, had soup for lunch. We reckoned it was on account of that big face. Christ, imagine your face being so goddamned big you couldn't even enjoy a nice, hot bowl of soup.
Larry was a freak all right, to the highest degree. Big faced freak. He knew it too. So if a kid yelled, "Hey Larry! You're a friggin' big faced freak!", he would reply, "Yes, that is true. 'Tis my lot in life. God bless. Have a pleasant day.".
Good old Larry Soup For Lunch. I haven't thought about him in years. Now that I think a little more, maybe it wasn't Larry's big face that was the oddest thing. Maybe it was his insistance that we never wear shirts in the presence of his mother. I don't know. It's a toss-up I guess. Either way--Larry! Jesus Christ!

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