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How To Join or Form a Christian Band

by JP Garwood

The first thing you are going to want to do is love Jesus. I mean really love him. Love him all the way if you can. Next, and
make sure this comes next, is learn to play an instrument. The guitar, for example, is an instrument. So is the clarinet. And so are
some people the instrument of the devil (Marie Osmond for instance).

After learning to play your instrument, then find others who have learned to play theirs. Perhaps you can have fun just plucking,
or blowing, or fingering each others instruments for a while. After that ice breaker it is time to get down to some serious rocking.

Serious rocking always involves singing the praises of Jesus, or at least some of his friends. Have the people in your new band
stand in different places according to the instruments they have chosen to play. Those who love Jesus the most should go in
front. Bass players and drummers rarely, if ever, love Jesus the most. So, in turn, Jesus frowns upon them, and gives them poor
vision and singing voices. (The guy from U2 comes to mind).

The final step is to sell out major venues, and make lots of money. Jesus lets you keep a good portion for yourself, so you can
have a pool. Just follow these easy steps and you too can be looked upon as a member of a band. A christian band. A good
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