JP Garwood's Top 10 Ask JPs of 2001
[ Ask JP Garwood ]
What were the members of Mindface in their former lives? Which one is closest to reaching nirvana? And which one has the greatest chance of coming back as a dung-beetle or some such unsavory vermin? And where do you fit into all this? And me? Signed, Surley McKlayne 10/27/01 I cannot delve into all the past lives that mindface members have led, but I can let you in on some of the highlights from each member. Steve Leonard was one of those little, yellow poison tree frogs, as well as a Mexican barber named Ramon. Steve Graham spent one life as a princess, and one as a donkey named Princess (coincidence?). Steve Leroy was a viking male model named Thad, and built quite a successful career in his native Norway until he fell into scandal, and then a tiger pit. Ironically he later came back as a tiger, and built yet another successful male modeling career. Our drummer, Ryan, spent two consecutive lives as a lemon tree in Florida before coming north as "Waddles the Amazing Diving Penguin". And last, but not least, Don Frio. Don spent one life as his own great-great-great grandmother. The image still bothers him, and it is said that that is the reason he wears glasses. He came back as "Short Joey", a midget wrestler who defied the odds and became the seventh munchkin on the right in "The Wizard of Oz." Who is closest to Nirvana? Steve Leonard currently leads Steve Leroy 6 to 5. Who is closest to a dung beetley life? Steve Graham,I'm afraid, however Ryan has said he would "flip him for it". Where do I fit in? As Pops Calhoun, a shrewd and cunning showman, I was responsible for bringing Waddles the Penguin and Short Joey to the public eye. Starting to see a connection? Where do you fit in? Probably around noon time, but we may have to push that back as we may have a luncheon to attend to. Have a lovely life. JP Garwood 10/28/01 |
Why do I like The Clash of the Titans so much? Signed, Sasha Yaya 03/21/01 In 1968 a Grand Jury heard testimony dealing with alleged subliminal messages created by actor/genius Burgess Meredith. Sighting not enough evidence, and that "Mr. Meredith seems like a great man, perhaps the greatest man ever", the jury refused to convict. Very little was heard on the subject until the early 1980's when "Rocky III" became a smash hit.--- Are you a victim of Burgess Meredith's mind tampering? Or, is that scene when Zeus turns that guy into a goat-man just too irresistable? A new case, "People v. Grumpier Old Men" may finally give you an answer. Until then, sit back and relax. Watch some reruns of the old 1960's series "Batman". The episodes with The Penguin are amazing. JP Garwood 03/22/01 |
If you had to rank, in preferential order, every food you've ever eaten, which one would be exactly in the middle? Signed, Boomer Esiason 08/24/01 Toast. JP Garwood 08/26/01 |
To be or not to be. That claims to be the question. However, I for one believe the question may be something else entirely. Whatcha think? Signed, Guy with question for JP Garwood 07/07/01 "To be or not to be..." actually is the question. Several other questions were considered, including "Where did I put that?", and "Are you going to eat that?", but they did not have the appeal of "To be or not to be". Oddly enough "the question" is not a question at all. It is just a thought. Now perhaps you can see the difficulty in phrasing a good question. I know the frustration of seeing several million questions phrased poorly. However, given that the ultimate question isn't even phrased properly, can I really blame those who ask me questions phrased improperly? Yes, I think I still can. JP Garwood 07/07/01 |
Why can't we see gravity? Signed, Stuck on Planet Earth Until Something Better Comes Along 04/09/01 Because it is clear. JP Garwood 04/10/01 |
Everyone's always asking you the hard questions, putting your elegant brain to the test. I just thought you might like an easy one for once. What's two plus two? Signed, Frank Paraboschi 08/28/01 Frank, this reminds me of a story about Old Ben Franklin. Back in his day he was considered one of the wisest men around. People would come from miles around to ask him questions and get his advice. He had, afterall, invented bifocals, and he did know George Washington and was down with that crowd. One day a little girl named Eliza Raghanky from a small town near Philadelphia came to Ben and asked him, "Sir, what is two plus another two?". Ben smiled, wiped a blob of mayonaise off his chin with a cat, and answered. His answer, I believe is just as relevant today. Old Ben said "four". JP Garwood 08/31/01 |
How would you describe mindface's music? How would you describe your lyrics? What has been your biggest challenge in writing lyrics for the boys? Pudding or jello? Signed, Man with four questions 08/19/01 Okay, here are my four answers.... The music of mindface can be described as toe-tapping. My lyrics can be described as soulful with a toe-tapping influence, and an ancient Greek influence. The biggest challenge in writing with the boys is an occasional argument over word placement. It goes something like this...Leonard will say "Why not use 'from' instead of 'of'". I say, "In this case 'of' means 'from'". Steve Graham will say, "If it means 'from', why not just say 'from'". I say, "Why don't you just say nothing little boy". Leonard will say, "Guys, guys, it isn't that big a deal". However, Steve G. has already hit me with a tire iron (he has a lot of automotive problems, so always has an iron handy). Don usually comes in at this point and puts Steve G. in a camel clutch, giving me time to hide behind Leonard. Steve Leroy at this point puts down his Wall Street Journal and boxes my ears. I fall to the ground and pretend I'm dead. Everyone is sad until I pop back up an hour or so later, and then we go out for sandwiches and coffee. With my sandwich I always have pudding, as jello is horrible. JP Garwood 08/21/01 |
Just wonderin'.....when's your birthday? What's your favorite color? Who's your favorite president? Do YOU play a musical instrument? Do you like the beach? What's your lucky number? What's your phone number? Who do YOU look up to? AND Why? Sorry to hit you with so many questions, but, I was just wonderin'..... Signed, Ms. XOXO 06/28/01 Anything for you Ms. XOXO. It is good to hear from you again, my dove. My birthday is February 30th. My favorite color bounces between purple, orange, and clear, depending on my mood. I like President Franklin Pierce, and I think a holiday is order for him. I'm working on that right now. I play the kazoo. In fact in some circles I am known as "The Kazooru". I like the beach, as long as it stays where it is suppose to. I would hate to look out my window one morning to find the beach had moved right into my front yard. How could I mow? My mower would be a useless piece of equiptment, and I just could not have that. My lucky number has always been 0. Which, maybe not coincidentally, is the number of pet iguanas that I own. My telephone number is 12. I look up to Steve Leroy, and anyone that is taller than myself. Mostly because if I didn't I would be speaking into their necks, and that is considered rude in some countries. I am glad you took the time to ask Ms. XOXO. I look forward to hearing from you again. JP Garwood 06/30/01 |
Does our moon have a name? I mean, shit man, all the other planets' moons have names, what the hell? Signed, Angry in Andover 12/03/01 Since we only have one moon, "moon" has been effecient to describe it. We understand what someone else is saying when they say "moon". We don't confuse it with anything else that is going on up there. I think that is for our benefit. We would be hard pressed as a species to describe two or more things in the sky at the same time. Most people can't think in such a complicated fashion. However, it appears that you can my friend, so I'll let you know that the moon does in fact have a proper name, although it chooses not to go by it. The moon's name is Kevin Franklin, and he is millions of years old. JP Garwood 12/04/01 |
What does JP stand for? Signed, Veronica Shelby 04/28/01 JP stands for truth. JP stands for the individual lost in a sea of conformity. JP stands for "Jason Priestly", although not in my case. JP stands for freedom, the type of freedom only mindface and myself can deliver, a nice kind of freedom with intricate work around the borders, no half-assed kind of freedom, no way. JP stands for the little people (children, mostly, as really short adults tend to freak me out). JP stands for low prices at the pump. JP stands for no nonsense, in-your-face reporting. JP stands for the struggling artist whose apparant lack of talent isn't going to hold him back forever. JP stands for a world in which animals will never rise up and take over, causing humans to be a sub-serviant race. JP stands for love, sometimes, and sometimes just for liking someone a little. JP stands for goodness, and wholeness, as goodness does little good without being whole. JP stands for all these things. So get under my cape as I usher in a new era. Stand behind me, and I will protect you from the evils of the world and stuff. JP Garwood 04/29/01 |